Friday, November 25, 2005



Yesterday, on the feel-good Thanksgiving Holiday, there was little or no nerd-baiting and Tech bashing taking place in the blogosphere. Today is a new day, and since the game is only one day away, the time is nigh to set the mood for the game and bring the clean, old-fashioned hate in earnest. It is in this spirit that the Tanners (John, Drew and Hamp and eeven Uncle Bo) have created this simple quiz for you to assess the acridity of your hatred for the poindexterly nattering nimrods from North Avenue. Please answer each question honestly, even if your boss is a Tech graduate, as we suspect he is.

1. A Tech man is:
(a) A highly intelligent man of great technical knowledge, dashing and daring, admired by his fellow man, and desired by the ladies.
(b) A nerd who doesn’t know much about football, but is the best for technical support this side of New Delhi.
(c) A sexless geek who would not know a first down from throw down. The kind of nerd that yells “Offsides!” when an offensive player moves early or vociferously complains that the Georgia receiver did not have both feet in bounds on a sideline catch.
(d)A pathetic loser entirely devoid of any likeable qualities who would best serve humanity by moving to Pakistan to manage an offshore IT consulting outfit.

2. You will pull for Tech to win a football game:
(a) In all games except against Georgia.
(b) Only against Florida.
(c) Only against Al Qaeda.
(d) Never. Do you hear me? NEVER!

3. You are driving a chicken truck (one of the better jobs available to Georgia grads) at 55 mph when you crest a hill to discover that The Wrambling Wreck has stalled in the middle of the road. There may be time for you to take evasive action, but doing so will cause you to risk losing your load of chickens. In which of the following scenarios do you take evasive action?
(a) George Godsey is driving The Wrambling Wreck holding up 3 fingers while George O’Leary waves his hands like a parade marshal.
(b) The Wrambling Wreck is full of baby girls dressed in White and Gold.
(c) The Wrambling Wreck has been commandeered by UGA cheerleaders who are frantically waving their red and black pom poms and our beloved mascot UGA is in the rumble seat.
(d) None of the above, I have always hated that friggin’ car and the so-called tradition it represents. Shame about the UGA Cheerleaders and UGA, but at least UGA can take his final resting place of honor in Sanford Stadium.

4. There is a cute elderly man in a wheel chair dressed in his blue GT blazer with a gold sweater vest underneath. Of course he also has on his gold bowtie with yellow jackets on it. You notice his wheelchair has a bumper sticker that says “To Hell With Georgia.” Suddenly, this man bursts into flames. Do you:
(a) Call 911 and leave it to the professionals to save him.
(b) Piss on him to put out the fire.
(c) Push his wheelchair down the nearest hill to let the wind fan the flames.
(d) Look for some gasoline.

5. You are like the biblical Abraham and have waited many many years to conceive a child. During this time, you have amassed a fortune in the chicken-hauling business. Finally, when you are an old man, your wife bears a son. This boy is a math whiz. In high school, he wins every math competition even though he is not of Indian or Asian heritage. He is offered a full scholarship to attend Georgia Tech. Do you:
(a) Praise your only child for this esteemed accomplishment and encourage and support him in his pursuit of engineering excellence.
(b) Use your money and influence to get him scholarship offers from MIT and Cal Poly, buy him a lifetime pass to Star Trek conventions, and offer him every video game ever made if he will go to school anywhere but Georgia Tech.
(c) Threaten to disown and disinherit him if he goes to Tech. If this doesn’t work, you have his DNA tested to see if he is indeed your genetic offspring. Then, irrespective of the DNA testing, have your name legally expunged from his birth certificate and have a court of law change his last name to anything other than yours – Arnold, as in Benedict, for example.
(d) Search deep inside the federal witness protection program for Sammy “The Bull” Gravano and hire him out of retirement for one last “job.”

Bonus Question for the women and a few of the men:

6. Which statement best represents a Tech Man in the bedroom:
(a) A state-of-the art hard drive with unlimited battery life that can reboot in minutes.
(b) A mediocre lover, but a hell of an engineer.
(c) A Tech man made me a lesbian!
(d) Can you say “3.5 inch floppy?”

Thank you for taking the quiz. Now to determine your score, use the following point values. For every (a) add 1 point; (b) 2 points; (c) 3 points; (d) 4 points. To discover your “Loathing Quotient” add up all of your points and divide by the number of questions you answered. (See, even a Georgia guy knows that a “quotient” requires a division operation.)

If your L.Q. is between 1 and 2, you probably sometimes wear yellow clothing and think that Tech has a good basketball program.

If your L.Q. is between 2 and 3, you do not own any yellow clothing, strongly dislike Tech, but most likely hate Auburn or Florida more than Tech.

If your L.Q. is between 3 and 4, every time you see yellow clothing you throw up in your mouth a little bit. You hate Tech because they are Tech. You hate Tech because your father hated Tech. You hate Tech and make no excuses about it. You can never imagine not hating Tech. In short, you HATE TECH!


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