Friday, September 24, 2010

Kiss My Ass, Kick My Ass, Kick Your Ass: Volume 3

This is a new feature for my fairly featureless blog. Based on current events, I will regularly announce who can Kiss My Ass, who can Kick My Ass and who I should Kick Your Ass.

Kiss My Ass - NC
AA Appeals People. For the third consecutive week, the people who can Kiss My Ass are those involved in keeping AJ Green off of the playing field for 4 weeks while others who violated the same rule got only two week suspensions.

Kick My
Ass - UGA RS Freshman QB Aaron Murray. Anyone who can survive getting sacked 6 times and pummeled a number of other times in an SEC contest and keep getting up and later say that he is having fun is definitely a tough SOB. I would win the tale of the tape vs. Aaron Murray and I might beat him in a wrestling match (if I didn't throw out my back) because I still have some skills, but in an all out brawl, I am sure he would win because he wouldn't be scared and he wouldn't quit as his iron will is being forged under intense fire on the gridiron. Plus, he would probably have a cadre of offensive linemen watching his back!

Kick Your Ass - Former SEC referee Al Ford. Again, I am picking on an old dude. But, I have wanted to kick his ass since he atrociously, capriciously and possibly intentionally blew the call on the Jasper Sanks non-fumble at the goal line against Ga Tech in 1999. Not only did the crew completely blow the original call, but then they failed to rule it a safety when the man they say recovered the non-fumble ran from the one yard line and into the end zone where he was caught by a UGA player and whistled dead. Then, after blowing those two calls, they decided to award GT the ball on the 20 yard based upon some mysterious touchback. I honestly don't know that I have seen any referee crew blow a single call three different times. It was as if they could not follow a simple "if/then" logic progression as follows:

If it is a fumble, then the Tech player is live and ran backwards into his own endzone on his own and would therefore be a safety; or

If it is a fumble and the Tech player is not live, then the ball would be placed at the point of the non-fumble, the one yard line; but...

The only thing that doesn't compute is to rule that it is a fumble recovered at the one and immediately whistled dead even though the man recovering the fumble is one his feet at the one yard line, untouched by an opposing player and attempting to return it for points by bellying into his own endzone and being trapped by an opponent but wait... let's just end this madness and give Tech the ball at the 20 yard line because... well, it just seems like that would be better than giving them the ball so close to their own endzone where they could possibly get a safety.

Yeah... Al Ford, for having no clue how to officiate a football game and still accepting pay for your gross, unconscionable incompetence, I still want to Kick Your Ass.


Bernie said...

I've been spit on, cussed at and had a beautiful ribeye overcooked. And yet I can't recall ever...EVER being more mad than I was on that day.

It'd be worth a trip to Hell just to have a chance to kick Al Ford's cheatin' engiNerd ass. May his beer always be warm and his whores swoll up with syphilis.

zach c said...

I was supposed to go to my ten year high school reunion that night. I like you BernieDawg was so stinkin mad I could not even go out of the house. Tuck Feck