Thursday, November 12, 2009

Footie Picker Weekend of 11/14

Friday

CINCINNATI 10 West Virginia

Saturday

Boston College 4.5 VIRGINIA
OHIO STATE 17 Iowa
Clemson 7 NC STATE
Georgia Tech 10.5 DUKE
Kentucky 3 VANDERBILT
Texas 24 BAYLOR
OLE MISS 3.5 Tennessee
PITTSBURGH 6.5 Notre Dame
SOUTHERN CAL 11 Stanford
Florida 15 SOUTH CAROLINA
Alabama 12.5 MISS STATE
TCU 17 Utah
GEORGIA 4 Auburn

LAZY AUBURN POST

I will post something new regarding the approaching Auburn game later. But for now... here is a repost of a couple of my first ever blog posts from November 2005. (I find them still relevant) ...

MEMORIES FROM PAST UGA-AUBURN TILTS: Part I

I cannot exactly remember the first Georgia-Auburn game I saw, but I can remember the better part of the last 25-30 contests. Since my birth, in 1966, the Dawgs are 17-20-2 (update: 20-21-2) against the WarPlainsTigerEagles. Since Auburn holds only a 4 (update: 2 game lead) game advantage in the total 108 (update 112)times the teams have met, we have lost ground during my 39 year tenure as a loyal Dawgs fan. This is a disturbing trend that I would like to see reversed - starting Saturday.

One of the earliest memories I have of this series is back in the late '70s when both teams wore tear-away jerseys. I remember Ray Goff going through several jerseys running the old veer attack, but it always seemed like Auburn's backs were wearing paper jerseys the way the came apart with the slightest tug. Of course, after watching the big boys play, my friends and I would get out our oldest t-shirts for the next pick-up tackle football game. For good measure, we would go ahead and get a few rips started in the old shirts so that before the afternoon was over, we would return home in shreds. For some reason, I have no visual images of other SEC teams wearing tearaways like Georgia and Auburn.

My senior year in high school (Fall 1983), I was fortunate enough to be on a recruiting trip to the UGA-Auburn game in Athens and was in the locker room after the game the Dawgs lost (7-13) which cost us the SEC Championship. I don't remember exactly what Coach Dooley told the players, but I recall thinking that he was a great leader who commanded instant respect. I still do!

In 1986, I was a Midshipman at the Naval Academy, but I vividly recall watching the "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Hose 'Em" game at Chadwicks on K-Street in Georgetown with my friend Mark Haden from Ladue, MO. That year, my brother Drew (USNA '86; pictured at right) was in flight school in Pensacola and made the trip to the Plains with a few other Aviators in training. After Wayne Johnson led the Dawgs to a 20-16 win, the celebration was on. To keep the Georgia fans off the field, West Opelika's finest turned fire hoses on the crowd. My brother, being the way he is and all, got hosed Selma Style. I wish I had seen that! (UPDATE 9-25-07: Apparently this one paragraph from my blog keeps getting linked at al.com on an Auburn message board eliciting discussion from those who want to say Auburn is classless (which I have not done) and those who defend Auburn by stating that there were no firehoses, only sprinklers. Whether or not the water came from firehoses or sprinklers was not particularly germane to my paragraph, but in the interest of accuracy and to not inflame Auburn folks, I will stipulate that some Georgia fans were soaked with "sprinklers" rather than firehoses. Furthermore, I will stipulate that Georgia fans, my brother included, should have stayed off the field. Finally, I will stipulate that I never considered what happened as classless or unwarranted, I simply thought it was funny. That is all. It happened. It was funny to everyone I ever talked to about it. My brother got soaked. I laughed then and I laugh about it still. Life should not be boring - unlike my blog! Furthermore, within a few days of posting this series of recollections in November 2005, I posted this about Auburn fans. I certainly did not intended to throw any trash on Auburn anywhere in this blog and I am disappointed that one innocuous paragraph has been linked several times as an indication of some sort of Auburn bashing. But, it has been amusing seeing how much traffic my little blog has gotten "out of the blue" the past few days. I will also say that I was in Sanford Stadium in November 1995 when Auburn players and fans as well as Georgia fans destroyed our hedges, but it did not matter because the hedges were coming out to make room for the 1996 Olympic Soccer games. Now, don't even try to tell me that didn't happen because I saw many Auburn players walking around the field after the game with pieces of the hedges 3-4' long. Still, so what? The hedges were doomed anyway and that was the last game in Sanford that season.


One last note, while growing up, I worked on our farm and we used "sprinklers" to water our tobacco, corn, peanuts and soybeans. Those sprinklers operated at 110 p.s.i. and would shoot water 120 feet. I'm just sayin.')


In 1988, having graduated from Navy, I was a student at the Navy Supply Corps School in Athens - located not too far from Allen's Famous Hamburgers on Prince Avenue (a brief moment of silence please). Okay, I just spent the last 5 minutes thinking about all the good times at Allen's. I wish I had some of the brain cells back, but other than that, Allen's was good to me and my crew. Anyway... Georgia was playing at Auburn with a shot at tying for the SEC Crown. I stayed in Athens and we had a party at some girls' condo at Eagle (Something) off of South Lumpkin. The Dawgs were playing rather poorly. However, the beers were going down rather nicely. During the half-time, we went out into the parking lot and were throwing a nerf football around. With an excess of zeal, I chased after one throw and rolled my ankle on the curb like Tyrone Prothro. Ok, not quite that bad, but it hurt like I had gotten caught in a steel bear trap and started swelling instantly. The rest of the afternoon, I watched the game with my right foot and ankle submersed in the icy water of our beer tub.

MEMORIES FROM PAST GEORGIA-AUBURN TILTS: Part II

1994 - The Little Man's Streak is Over
In my first visit to Jordan-Hare, the Little Man, Terry Bowden, had led the Tigers to 20 consecutive victories. However, on a night when it seemed that Georgia would never tackle Stephen Davis, somehow Eric Zeier guided the Dawgs to a tie, which was a moral victory at a time when we would take any kind of victory we could get. Other than ending Deddy's Little Boy's winning streak, the game was not that memorable. What was memorable was watching former Glynn Academy great, Bobby Wilkes, scalp two tickets from a fan at face value, sell them for $50 each, then parlay that $100 into more tickets that he rescalped for $150. He did this in the span of 5 minutes while walking to the gate. Mind you, Bobby did not need a ticket, he was just grifting the Aubies for sport. This is the man you want selling your junk on Ebay.

1996 - The Game That Wouldn't End
From January to August, 1996, I took and passed the bar exam, proposed to Leslie McDaniel, graduated Law School, traveled to Europe for 30 days with fellow law grad Chris Hall, came back in time for the Atlanta Olympics and started working at the Atlanta Law Firm, Hawkins and Parnell. I don't suppose much of this is all that relevant except the year (1996) and the part about proposing to Leslie. Because I was so clearly attempting to marry up, her acceptance of my proposal was not a foregone conclusion. However, having been hornswoggled, she accepted and we set our date for December 14 since the SECCG would be played on December 7, and with a new coach (Jim Donnan) at the helm, you had to leave that date open just in case. Actually, the point of this wedding discussion is that our engagement precipitated the absurd, albeit well-intentioned, Southern ritual of having your mother's friends host several engagement parties in your honor during the weekends leading up to your nuptials. Inescapably, a party was to be held in our honor on the same night as the Georgia-Auburn game.

The game was at Auburn during the afternoon. The party was to start at a time well after the game would end...or so we thought. Instead, an epic battle was unfolding that would change the face of college football forever. The Dawgs trailed 28-7 as the fourth quarter began. My dad was sound asleep in his chair, mumbling something about "should've hired Erk, should've hired Erk." Anyway, while my dad slumbered, the Dawgs awoke, scored 21 points and forced a tie at the end of regulation. At some point, Rip Van Winkle also woke up to learn that the Dawgs were battling back. Speaking of waking up, it was during the first over-time, that Coach Donnan realized that he had Robert Edwards in uniform and inserted him into the football game, fresh legs and all. It was all Robert Edwards and Hap Hines in the four overtimes until Georgia finally emerged victorious by the score of 56-49. As a result of the long long long game, the NCAA enacted the overtime rule requiring teams to attempt 2 point conversions beginning in the third overtime. Also as a result of the long long long game, we were late for the party, prompting my wife to enact a rule that parties should never be planned on days of Georgia games unless it is a party to watch the game. I love that woman! Would you believe that she helped me devise a sneaky plan to miss her cousin's wedding in October of 2002 so I could watch Georgia defeat Alabama in Tuscaloosa? Yep, I love that woman.

Major sidenote to the 1996 Georgia-Auburn game: the greatest photograph of any collegiate mascot in the history of athletic competition was taken on this day. Auburn wide receiver Robert Baker, learned the meaning of "Let the Big Dawg Eat."







2002 - 70-X-Takeoff

Get the picture, Georgia must beat Auburn to secure the SEC East and advance to the SEC Championship Game in Atlanta for the first time since its inception in 1992. Two weeks earlier, the nasty Gators had provided the only blemish of the season, erasing the Dawgs' fleeting hopes of a chance at the mythical National Title. Sound familiar? The game got off to an ominous start when Ronnie Brown scampered half the field for an Auburn touchdown. Georgia trailed 14-3 at the half and it would have been worse if Sean Jones had not picked two Jason Campbell passes. Very Hoage-ish.

During the gloomy halftime, Mr. Jerry Rothschild of Columbus, a very brilliant man, commented to me that we were getting beat at the line of scrimmage and asked me what I thought. He had a look of profound puzzlement and despair. At a loss for any existential, metaphysical, philosophical answer, I simply replied, "If we can't beat them in the trenches, then I guess they are just better than us." Upon hearing these uplifting words of encouragement, Mr. Rothschild actually smiled and said, "I had not thought of that." It was an "Eureka" moment. Suddenly, we simultaneously came to the realization that if our team was not good enough to win the game, there was precious little we could do to change the outcome. So maybe my comment was a little bit existential, metaphysical, philosophical after all. It was kind of like the final scene in Breaker Morant when, staring at the firing squad, the Brian Brown character says, "Shoot straight you bastards." We were fully prepared to face our unfortunate fate.

But the Dawgs on the field were not done fighting. Behind a career performance from Oklahoman Michael Johnson, Georgia steadily came back. Still trailing by 4, with time running out, on 4th and 15 at the Auburn 19, Richt called a play the Dawgs had never, ever, run in a game and had scarcely practiced. 70-X-Takeoff. I suppose they drew the play out in the palm of David Greene's hand, but somehow, at least two players knew what to do. Greene pump-faked towards Fred Gibson (the odds on favorite to get the ball) and lofted the ball into the left corner for a jumping contest between the 6'-4" Johnson and the much shorter Horace Willis of Auburn. We were seated in the opposite endzone, about 150 yards away with a line-of-sight right down the Georgia sideline. Sadly, I can never tell my grandchildren that I saw Michael Johnson haul in the pass because the players on the sideline all crept out a few yards onto the field and totally obscured my view. But, from the eruption of the Red and Black nation all around me, I knew that it was a night for "Old Lady Luck". The Dawgs escaped with the 24-21 victory and went on to secure their first SEC Championship in 20 years. How 'Bout Them Dawgs!

You can hear Larry Munson make the call by visiting http://www.larrymunson.com/.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I LOVE THE REAL AMERICA... THE ONE WITH GREAT BIG BRASS BALLS

I try not to get political in this space, but a friend of mine asked me to blog about America for Veterans Day. Not that I am especially qualified, but I am an American Veteran, my forefathers were Americans Veterans, most of my best friends are American Veterans, and I still proudly believe in the America for which we raised our right hands and took the following oath:

I, [name], do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me GOD.

There was a time when the enemies of America were mostly foreign and easy to identify. Now, we have more and more domestic enemies and while many Americans are not afraid to identify them, our gutless Washington leadership is unwilling to acknowledge the truth for fear of offending someone. But guess what, the Washington hand-wringing, stuttering, stammering and outright willful ignorance of threats to American security offend me and many America-loving Americans!

Last week, an Islamic extremist in the U.S. Army, committed a heinous act of murder and mayhem against our troops and civilians at the Fort Hood Army Base in Texas. This particular Muslim hated America and used his hatred of the country I love to fuel his act of terror against others who loved and served this country. For me, this is black and white. He hated America and killed as many Americans as he could before being stopped by a real American hero. Why did he hate America? Because he loved his Islamic jihadist brethren from foreign lands and desired to kill Americans because his particular brand of his religion tells him this is noble. His act of terrorism may make him a hero to Islamic jihadists, but I am an American Veteran and his act makes him a despicable sub-human asshole in my eyes. I can confidently say that all of my American Veteran forefathers and friends would also judge this man to be a piece of shit not worth the lead in the bullet that should be used to kill him. So why do liberals in Washington and the American mainstream media balk at identifying him as an Islamic jihadist who hated America? Why? Because they have no balls.

I am sick and tired of being told that we should not rush to judgment and that his being a Muslim does not necessarily make him an Islamic jihadist. Technically that is true in the abstract. But in light of his actions both before and during his act of terror, please save the apologizing, appeasement and excuse-making and just call it what it is! The fucker killed 13 Americans and injured over 30 more while chanting Allah Akbar. He did this as an act of terror for what he anticipated to be glory for his faith. So don't tell me what to think. I already see and recognize the truth about this guy. I am offended that Washington and the media won't acknowledge the truth because they are afraid of offending someone else. Well, they damn sure aren't too concerned about offending the victims and the families of the fallen in Fort Hood, American Veterans or Americans who still love America. Their concern is to avoid offending Muslims in foreign lands or the Muslims here in America who sympathize with the jihadists. Their failure to call it what it is, does a grave disservice to the victims and their families.

This is not a war against all of Islam. But, it is a war against the brand of Islam that preaches that its followers should kill Americans. It is also a war against all brands of Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Hindi, Taoism, Scientology, atheism, agnosticism and any other "ism" that encourages its followers to kill Americans pursuant to its dogma. (For fairness, I invite you to list in the comments all Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Taoists, Hindis, etc who hate America and are actively seeking to kill Americans.)

It is not because he was a Muslim that he killed our fellow Americans. It was because he was an Islamic extremist who believed that America is the Great Satan and that American non-Muslims are infidels whom should be killed in the name of Islam. If a Christian committed an act of terror against Americans because he believed that his religion gave him permission to kill my fellow countrymen, I would condemn him and his beliefs without reservation. It doesn't matter to me if you are a Jew, a Buddhist, a Moonie, an atheist or one who worships Thor. If you hate America and want to harm it, you are an enemy against whom I swore to defend the U.S. Constitution and by extension the American way of life. Religion, of any kind, is no excuse to kill my fellow Americans. However, in the current state of affairs, it is indeed one particular brand of one particular religion that is the root cause of the largest security threat against American citizens and that is Islamic Extremism. It is nothing else. I'll say it again. The threat is from Islamic extremism and no other religion. Why are our Washington leaders and mainstream media such pussies that they can't acknowledge this truth? Do they also hate America and want to see it come to harm?

I know that not all Muslims are extremist America haters. I know that Islamic jihadists are a subset of the Islamic faith. I know that there are wonderful Muslims in America and in the world. I spent a week with one such family in Turkey during Ramadan a few years ago and finer folks I have never met. But, let me be very clear on this point: any Muslim that does not condemn the brand of Islam that leads to terrorist acts against my countrymen is on the wrong side of my belief system in this world and they are an enemy of America.

Here is my deal... I am an American regardless of my religion. I am an American regardless of my race. I am an American regardless of my ethnic heritage. If you hate America, you can kiss my ass. If you want to kill Americans, I want you to be killed before you succeed. In case I have left any ambiguity, here is how I see the world: America = good. People who hate America and want to kill Americans = bad. Politicians or media members who make excuses or apologies for people who hate America and kill her citizens = bad. I don't see us meeting in the middle on this one. I don't see much room for compromise here.

I am an American Veteran. I love America and want America to triumph over all her enemies foreign and domestic. Here is my Veterans Day toast...

Here's to America and here's to you.
I love America and you should too.
But if by chance you disagree...
Fuck you, here's to me!

GO AMERICA, GATA!

Monday, November 09, 2009

Mumme Poll Ballot

  • Here is my Mumme Poll Ballot after a weekend of upsets, near-upsets and random shaking and rattling.
Top Five - in order
  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Texas
  • Cincinnati
  • Georgia Tech
Next Seven - loosely in order

TCU
Boise State
Miami
Oregon
LSU
Southern Cal
Iowa

I guess I don't have any love for Pitt or the Big Ten.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Predicting a Dawg Victory

I haven't had much to say lately. I must be getting old. Anyway... I needed to come on here and boldly predict a Dawgs win this Saturday against Tennessee Tech. I don't know when I will be able to make another bold prediction for victory. Know what I mean?

A few other thoughts...

1. Without a dominating defense, you can't win with mediocre QB play. You definitely can't win with poor QB play. In our losses, QB play has been medicore to poor. However, to be fair, Joe played great against SC (minus the pick six) and Arkansas. I hope he has a few more of those type of performances left - namely against Auburn and Tech.

2. We don't have a dominating defense. We have collected 6 turnovers. I think we had that many against Hawaii alone in 2007 (technically Jan 1, 2008).

3. Speed kills. If a player runs a 4.3, but is running in the wrong direction, his error gets amplified. I think I have seen this happen.

4. Washaun Ealey is coming on. He has shown good instincts and an ability to make people miss. Let's just get him up to speed on pass protection and give him a majority of reps.

5. Meyer is still an UberDouche and Spikes is still a punk-ass bitch.

Have a good day.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

IT IS WHAT IT IS

The Game

An average football team can never beat an excellent football team if the average team makes all the mistakes. A game in which we had zero margin for error, we yielded a -4 turnover margin. There is nothing else to write regarding X's and O's. So I won't.

The Gouge



That Brandon Spikes is a punk thug is nothing new. No surprise there. However, seeing him intentionally work his hand past the eye shade on Washaun Ealey's helmet and deliberately try to repeatedly poke his eyes revealed the true gutless, classless, garbage piece of shit that he is. What does it say about his coach that his deed will basically go unpunished? Obviously this play did not cost us the game or anything like that. This is outside of the game. This is about one punk-ass bitch and his dirty tactics that have not been limited to this single incident. Maybe Spikes better watch out for that the other bitch, known as karma, as she swings around and blows out his knee - or both knees.

The Comparison

David Pollack asked which was worse, the Lagarette Blount post-game punch or the Brandon Spikes eye gouge? The eye gouge was 100x worse by any measure. Blount was goaded into punching the Boise player after the Boise player, from behind, smacked him on the shoulder pad and said, "How'd you like that ass-whupping, BITCH." Spikes' intentional eye-gouge occurred at the end of a play with a defenseless player lying on the bottom of a pile. There was no provocation other than the fact that Ealey was trying to gain yards running the ball. Spikes made a deliberate effort to injure Ealey in the eyes so that he would have to leave the game. For all I know, he may have wanted to blind Ealey and end his career. Not his football career, his sighting career. Clearly when you try to jam your fingers into another man's eyes during a battle, you desire to injure and cause pain. Anyone of intelligence would also know that permanent blindness is a distinct possibility. Anyone of intelligence... so that rules out Spikes. In my view, there is no question which of these two acts was worse. At the time of Blount's punch, I said he should be suspended for the season. His coach, Chip Kelley, took that action. I believe that at a minimum Spikes should be suspended for the rest of the season. His coach, Urban Meyer, believes 2 quarters against Vanderbilt will suffice. Anyone surprised? Glossing over this egregiously dirty play is tantamount to condoning it. Now I ask, who is the bigger punk? Spikes or Meyer?

UPDATE*** Here is an excellent article that basically implies, as do I, that UberDouche Meyer is the real punk.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Lucky Dawg Elixir of the Day???

It's gonna be 85 to 88 degrees... Hunker Down Dawg is going with Firefly Vodka and Arizona Lemonade. G.A.T.A.

Mantra of the Day...

Gators
Gators
How'd You Like to Bite My Ass?

Gators
Gators
How'd You Like to Bite My Ass!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Footie Picker Weekend of 10/31

Halloween Footie Picker

VIRGINIA 7 Duke
IOWA 17.5 Indiana
Miami
7 WAKE FOREST
FLORIDA ST 7.5 NC State
Georgia Tech 12 VANDERBILT
Ole Miss 3.5 AUBURN
Florida 16 Georgia (in Jacksonville)
Texas 9 OKLAHOMA STATE
Penn State 14.5 NORTHWESTERN
KENTUCKY 3.5 Miss State
TENNESSEE 5 South Carolina
Southern Cal 3 OREGON
Cincinnati 15.5 SYRACUSE

Breaking News... Is Brandon Spikes Eligible?

BRANDON SPIKES MAY BE INELIGIBLE



I considered sitting on this story until after the game, but I was afraid of being scooped. There is a possibility that the Gators, should they win the game on the field, will have to forfeit anyway if their star linebacker plays. This is unconfirmed but Brandon Spikes may have exhausted his collegiate eligibility. Apparently, the 6'3" - 250lb linebacker began his NCAA football career in 1993 at Bethune-Cookman and played under the name Kevin Ferguson. Ferguson then left Bethune-Cookman for the University of Miami and later tried out for the Miami Dolphins in 1997. Ferguson then entered the mixed martial arts arena fighting under the alias Kimbo Slice (pictured below.)


It is unclear how Ferguson-Slice-Spikes has managed to play football at the University of Florida while also competing on the MMA circuit, but to his credit, he has excelled at both.


What is clear however, is that once the NCAA unravels this tale of alternative identities, the fraudulent charade will be over for the 35 year old linebacker.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hey Gator, Go...

UF Promotional Video..



Then there is this satire of the video...











Y’all have all seen the UF promotional video where the people morph from saying “Go Gators” to things like “Go become a brain surgeon” and “Go start a fortune 500 company”… well I have decided that it might be appropriate to reprise that premise with more accurate commentary for the common Gator fan who wouldn’t know a fortune 500 company if he was suing one for getting his dick stuck in a vacuum. While many have already offered “Go Fuck yourself”, the purpose of this exercise is to offer sincere useful advice for the poor, misguided followers of the Orange and Blue. Please feel free to add your own suggestions based on your experiences with Gator Nation.


Go be a prison barber.

Go update your mullet.

Go start a Nauga ranch.

Go invent a new camouflage pattern.

Go form yet another Skynyrd tribute band.

Go prove that smoking while pregnant is perfectly safe.

Go proudly wear that fishnet half-shirt.

Go rent-to-own a Queen-size waterbed.

Go get that above-ground pool.

Go restore that ’77 El Camino.

Go paint the rest of your Duster primer gray.

Go to “All You Can Eat” Popcorn Shrimp night

Go get that “The Promise” tattoo.

Go smurfing.

Go watch Porky’s again.

Go watch Porky’s 2 again.

Go to “PeopleofWalMart.com” to see if you’re on it.

Go buy some scratch-offs – rent on your single-wide is due.

Go pitch your story to Jerry Springer.

Go punch out – you’re shift is over.

Go pick up a hydraponic gardening kit.

Go dryclean your tuxedo t-shirt before your sister’s wedding.

Go re-take your GED, third time’s a charm.

Go buy a preacher’s bench for your home gym.

Go get a tramp stamp, who says that shit is for women only.

Go get your name screened onto your back windshield, Dewayne.

Go breed your Rottweiler with your step-uncle’s pit.

Go meet your future ex-wife at Club La Vela.

Go to Florabama and defend your Mullet Toss record.

Go to another Spring Break – you keep getting older, but the girls stay the same age.

Go run a boat at Weekie Watchie.

Go start a Lucky Dog franchise.

Go make out with a carnie despite the cabbage smell.


Now it's your turn... please add yours in the comments...

Bernie offers these:

Go re-register with the Sheriff's Department.

Go spend your entire paycheck on this weekend's WWE pay-per-view event.

Go try to talk your cousin into having sex...again.

Go spike your neighbor's drink and then siphon their gas.

What have you got?