Saturday, October 31, 2009

Lucky Dawg Elixir of the Day???

It's gonna be 85 to 88 degrees... Hunker Down Dawg is going with Firefly Vodka and Arizona Lemonade. G.A.T.A.

Mantra of the Day...

How'd You Like to Bite My Ass?

How'd You Like to Bite My Ass!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Footie Picker Weekend of 10/31

Halloween Footie Picker

IOWA 17.5 Indiana
Georgia Tech 12 VANDERBILT
Ole Miss 3.5 AUBURN
Florida 16 Georgia (in Jacksonville)
Penn State 14.5 NORTHWESTERN
KENTUCKY 3.5 Miss State
TENNESSEE 5 South Carolina
Southern Cal 3 OREGON
Cincinnati 15.5 SYRACUSE

Breaking News... Is Brandon Spikes Eligible?


I considered sitting on this story until after the game, but I was afraid of being scooped. There is a possibility that the Gators, should they win the game on the field, will have to forfeit anyway if their star linebacker plays. This is unconfirmed but Brandon Spikes may have exhausted his collegiate eligibility. Apparently, the 6'3" - 250lb linebacker began his NCAA football career in 1993 at Bethune-Cookman and played under the name Kevin Ferguson. Ferguson then left Bethune-Cookman for the University of Miami and later tried out for the Miami Dolphins in 1997. Ferguson then entered the mixed martial arts arena fighting under the alias Kimbo Slice (pictured below.)

It is unclear how Ferguson-Slice-Spikes has managed to play football at the University of Florida while also competing on the MMA circuit, but to his credit, he has excelled at both.

What is clear however, is that once the NCAA unravels this tale of alternative identities, the fraudulent charade will be over for the 35 year old linebacker.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hey Gator, Go...

UF Promotional Video..

Then there is this satire of the video...

Y’all have all seen the UF promotional video where the people morph from saying “Go Gators” to things like “Go become a brain surgeon” and “Go start a fortune 500 company”… well I have decided that it might be appropriate to reprise that premise with more accurate commentary for the common Gator fan who wouldn’t know a fortune 500 company if he was suing one for getting his dick stuck in a vacuum. While many have already offered “Go Fuck yourself”, the purpose of this exercise is to offer sincere useful advice for the poor, misguided followers of the Orange and Blue. Please feel free to add your own suggestions based on your experiences with Gator Nation.

Go be a prison barber.

Go update your mullet.

Go start a Nauga ranch.

Go invent a new camouflage pattern.

Go form yet another Skynyrd tribute band.

Go prove that smoking while pregnant is perfectly safe.

Go proudly wear that fishnet half-shirt.

Go rent-to-own a Queen-size waterbed.

Go get that above-ground pool.

Go restore that ’77 El Camino.

Go paint the rest of your Duster primer gray.

Go to “All You Can Eat” Popcorn Shrimp night

Go get that “The Promise” tattoo.

Go smurfing.

Go watch Porky’s again.

Go watch Porky’s 2 again.

Go to “” to see if you’re on it.

Go buy some scratch-offs – rent on your single-wide is due.

Go pitch your story to Jerry Springer.

Go punch out – you’re shift is over.

Go pick up a hydraponic gardening kit.

Go dryclean your tuxedo t-shirt before your sister’s wedding.

Go re-take your GED, third time’s a charm.

Go buy a preacher’s bench for your home gym.

Go get a tramp stamp, who says that shit is for women only.

Go get your name screened onto your back windshield, Dewayne.

Go breed your Rottweiler with your step-uncle’s pit.

Go meet your future ex-wife at Club La Vela.

Go to Florabama and defend your Mullet Toss record.

Go to another Spring Break – you keep getting older, but the girls stay the same age.

Go run a boat at Weekie Watchie.

Go start a Lucky Dog franchise.

Go make out with a carnie despite the cabbage smell.

Now it's your turn... please add yours in the comments...

Bernie offers these:

Go re-register with the Sheriff's Department.

Go spend your entire paycheck on this weekend's WWE pay-per-view event.

Go try to talk your cousin into having sex...again.

Go spike your neighbor's drink and then siphon their gas.

What have you got?

One Problem that is Simple to Fix

The driving without a license or suspended license problem is so amazingly simple to fix that I can't imagine why it has plagued us for years. Here is the solution: Find a student-intern who wants to work with the athletic department. His or her job will be to check on a daily basis to ensure that all of our scholarship players and any non-scholarship players who contribute on Saturdays are licensed and in good standing with the DMV. I am no Nick Saban, but I think we can only have 85 players on scholarship. Add a few non-scholly contributors and we are talking about no more than 95 players.

The student-intern will have a list of the players names and DL #'s. On a daily basis, this person will confirm that the DL#s on the list are in good standing with the DMV. How will he/she do this? I am not certain, but either through cooperation with the DMV or through the same means that any PI can get this same information on you if they have your name and address. One way or another, the information is available. Have every player sign a power of attorney that gives the athletic department the authority to collect this information at any time. When a player's license gets suspended because they did not pay a speeding ticket in Henry County, then the coaches pull the player aside, ask him for his keys and impound his vehicle/scooter until the license is back in good standing.

Next problem?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009



It’s Cocktail Party Time! Worked hard on the front end of this week and now I am Cocktail Partying on through Halloween. Got my homie Whit Yates rolling in Thursday afternoon and will be hitting Karibrew for some microbrews. Fishing Friday at the end of the jetties for some bull reds. Any idea what we should do Saturday?

Last year I spent about a week doing statistical analysis for this game and had myself convinced that we were going to spank them Gators. Clearly that did not work out well. This year… not doing one nanosecond of analysis. Not going to talk about what we need to do. Not going to look at the keys to the game. Not going to fantasize about a win in Jacksonville. Our team is more of a mystery to me than how the show Becker stayed on the air for so many years. All I know for sure is AJ Green, Rennie Curran and Drew Butler. After that, it is chaos clear as a baby diaper filled with Indian food. If we win, the Gators can suck it. If we lose, the Gators can still suck it. Like Gretchen Wilson sings... we are "Here for the party.”

Yates and I will drive down to the Talleyrand Lot around 11:00 am and will tailgate with some fine Douglas folks for a while and then will do our pilgrimage over to a Fernandina tailgate that is about 70% Gator – but tolerable Gators (I know that is an oxymoron.) Not sure what poison I should pick. The past two years it has been Hendrick’s, tonic and lime. That elixir did the job in 2007 but fell short in 2008. Wondering if I ought to try something new. I might try to see the green fairy – for something different. I have eschewed brown liquor on game day on account of its propensity to cause acute memory loss. Any suggestions?

If any of my four readers are on Amelia Island for the weekend and have any questions about the wheres and the what-fors, shoot me an email and I will try to help ya out.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mumme Poll Ballot

My Mumme Poll Ballot...

Top Five

* Alabama
* Florida
* Texas
* Southern Cal
* Iowa

Next Seven

* Cincinnati
* Oregon
* Georgia Tech
* Penn State
* Boise State

Toughest week yet to select the Next Seven. I wouldn't necessarily say they are in a particular order, but maybe they are. I struggled with what to do about Pitt, Houston, West Virginia and Oklahoma State. In the end, I couldn't drop anyone other than Miami out of the Next Seven and I feel that Penn State deserved to move up. Muddy is what it is.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Footie Picker Weekend of 10/24

Continuing my downward spiral, my nolo play last week resulted in a 4-9 weekend (36-56 for the year). So, apparently if I pick the way think games will go, I am a little under .500, if I pick the teams I do not want to cover and even farther under .500. So this week, I am back to picking the way I think it will happen.

Georgia Tech 4 VIRGINIA
MIAMI 6.5 Clemson
NOTRE DAME 8 Boston College
ALABAMA 16 Tennessee
Penn State 4.5 MICHIGAN
Oklahoma 7.5 KANSAS
Texas 13.5 MISSOURI
NAVY 3 Wake Forest
OLE MISS 4.5 Arkansas
Tcu 2 BYU
Florida 22 MISS STATE
LSU 7.5 Auburn
SOUTHERN CAL 20.5 Oregon State


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

We Whipped Vandy. What Does That Prove?

We Whipped Vandy... What Does That Prove?

Honestly, I have no idea. I was pleased that we put the game away early in the 4th quarter and were able to relax for the first time all season. However, throughout the first half and the first two drives of the second half, things progressed in an eerily reminiscent fashion. When we kicked a field goal on our first drive of the second half to make the score 20-10, I feared another Vandy TD would cause this game to go down to the wire and give us more gray hair and high blood pressure. Thankfully, our depth (read... Vandy's lack of depth) wore them down and we were able to impose our will for the first time this season.

AJ Green. AJ Green's catch and run was another jaw-dropper. Let's review... Easy throw... check, Best receiver in the nation... check, Makes people miss... check, Amazing in space... check. Why didn't we try that again? Do we outsmart ourselves sometimes? I know they had safety help over the top all day, but this 65 yard TD play was thrown exactly 1 yard upfield and was all AJ being AJ after that. More please.

Running Game. We finally found some running room in the second half. I am not sure if this was anything to hang our hats on, but at least we broke through on Vandy. Caleb King had his best outing and showed true determination to get into the end zone. Ealey, Thomas and Jackson all had a few open-field runs that were exciting to see. Samuel didn't get much going but watching him and all the other tailbacks makes me wonder if he should be at fullback this spring. I want to see Samuel succeed in a big way and I am not convinced it will happen at tailback. But, he is a gifted athlete with a great attitude and he can contribute somewhere so I hope the coaches sort that out this spring.

Defense. Justin Houston and Kade Weston continue to disrupt up front and Rennie cleans up almost every play. The emergence of big Kade has been the biggest surprise on defense for me. I enjoyed seeing how Christian Robinson got after it. He plays fast and seems to be a sure tackler. Baccari Rambo made another bold, loud, and unambiguous statement that he should be on the field for the majority of defensive snaps. Willie? Are you listening? Watch the film. It is right there in front of you. Make the call!

Special Teams. Almost a complete game for our special teams units - minus the fake punt. Butler continued to kick into the stratosphere. Walsh was perfect. Rex Robinson 5 can probably help me out here, but I think Walsh may have been asked to kick it out of bounds with 7 seconds in the half. I like our chances putting Vandy on the 40 with only one play to get in the end zone. I could be wrong. Either way, we had one touch back and held them to 16 yards per return. Progress! And finally Prince Miller returned some punts and was two shoestring tackles from scoring twice.

It was great to get a comfortable win under our belt going into the off week. We haven't had a cupcake all season, but Vandy is certainly not bowl bound. All the other teams we have played will be (don't let me down ASU.) Having two weeks to prepare for Florida will help. Will it be enough?

In other news, Arkansas got jobbed. We know how you feel Hawgs!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Mumme Poll Ballot

Here is my Mumme Poll Ballot for this week:

Top Five
* Alabama
* Florida
* Texas
* Southern Cal
* Iowa

Next Seven
* Cincinnati
* Miami
* Oregon
* Georgia Tech
* Boise State

This week, I would say that this is pretty much in the order that I would rank them 1 to 12. Cincinnati could swap places with Iowa without much fight from me. Va. Tech and Ohio State go bye-bye so Ga. Tech and TCU jump up. I had to hold me nose for two votes: Ga. Tech because as much as I would like for them to suck, they don't, so I am hoping to jinx them with this vote. And Boise State - their schedule is crap, but they did beat Oregon - which will be their only quality win come December when the BCS busters try to foist them upon us as legit.

What do you think? Who did I screw and am I a part of a conspiracy that I don't know about?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

HDD Prediction and Predilection: Vandy Edition


If I was in charge, I would scrap any attempt at establishing the run. Ain't gonna happen or it already would have. I would line up in a single back set, shotgun, 3 wides and a TE. The I-formation would be put on the shelf. I would try to establish the passing game and once that starts working, mix in a few runs. Now, full disclosure, I am a firm believer that you must run the ball to win in the SEC. But, we can't run the ball when the opposing defense knows we will run it. So, why waste plays trying. Throw it early and often. With some success throwing the ball, we could then possible soften up the front 7 so we could run for more than a 1.8 yard average.

This is not what Bobo is going to do today. He will try to establish a balanced attack. Maybe this is the week of some eureka moment breakthroughs and remember how to run block and to avoid tacklers.

What Georgia needs is a complete game on both sides fo the ball. A comfortable win. What we are going to get is another frustrating game. Fits and starts. Some good stuff, some bad stuff. In the end, we will win. But it will not be inspiring.



Friday, October 16, 2009

Dirty Dozen

In keeping with my music meme... I am heading to down to Jax in a couple of hours to see New Orleans' own Dirty Dozen Brass Band. Can't wait to get funky!

When I roll out of bed in the morning, I may or may not give a Dawgs prediction. Like you care.

Footie Picker Weekend of 10/17

I am dead last in my league and cannot do any worse. This week I have chosen the teams that I DO NOT want to cover. THe asterisks are my friend's picks - just to track it for him.

Texas 3.5 Oklahoma* (at Dallas)
Ohio State* 13 PURDUE
Virginia* 4 MARYLAND
CLEMSON* 6.5 Wake Forest
Georgia* 7.5 VANDERBILT
AUBURN* 13.5 Kentucky
ALABAMA 17 South Carolina*
Southern Cal* 10 NOTRE DAME
Virginia Tech* 3 GEORGIA TECH
FLORIDA 24 Arkansas*
Boston College* 2.5 NC State
OKLAHOMA ST* 7 Missouri